Walter Trentadue
What is love? One of the problems with trying to define love is that we often end up using the word love itself in the definition. This is a fundamental problem. According to the American Heritage Dictionary, love is defined as “deep affection and warm feeling for another.” People will understand
readily if a person is described as being in love, although they may face great difficulty in explaining exactly what that means. Usually, they will end up describing the symptoms of the person who is in love. So, what then, is
love? We can gain some insight and perspective by looking at Plato’s Symposium. According to Plato, Socrates learned about love from Diotima, a Mantinean woman “deeply versed in love and many other fields of knowledge.”1 She taught him that love is something between beautiful and ugly, between mortal and immortal, and a very powerful spirit that is between god and man. There are many kinds of spirits, and they are the envoys and interpreters that allow for the interaction between the gods and man; therefore, they exist between heaven and earth. Love is one of those spirits (Symposium 243).
One of the strongest emotions a person might have is love. For one to feel love for another, and to be loved by that person in return, is one of the greatest experiences in life. It can, however, be painful to be in love with someone who does not have the same feelings in return. This is unrequited love, which was experienced by Alceste in The Misanthrope, by Moliere. Alceste was in love with Celimene; however, Celimene did not have the same feelings for Alceste. To have true love, both people need to have reciprocated and mutual feelings for each other. This can be compared to the analogy of having a tree fall in the woods. If there is nobody there to hear the tree fall, is a sound produced? A scientist would answer in the negative, as the definition of sound requires three things: the source that produces a noise or vibration, a medium in which that noise or vibration can travel through, and someone to hear that noise or vibration. Similarly, if a person loves someone else, the other person needs to have similar and reciprocal feelings in order for true love to exist. It is a willingness between two people that allows love to exist.
There is something divine about the breeding instinct that leads to human procreation; the ability for us to continue our species gives us a sense of immortality, and love is a desire for that immortality (Symposium 248). Further, love is a drive to acquire something that we are lacking, something that we do not have. This is the other half we are searching for (246).
I believe Plato’s definition of love is inadequate, however, because he does not explain where love itself comes from. This would give us more insight as to the nature of what love really is. Certainly, love exists, but where does it originate? This question must be further explored. If we find the origins of love, it will give us deeper insight as to its very nature, and help us to explain why love is important to us. Plato does not address this issue in Symposium.
Since the feelings of love are within us, this must be where love originates. It is a physiological reaction to some stimulus that we are being subjected to. It is our response to something we are experiencing. We may sense attraction or affection from another person; or, we may recognize something in another person that we are looking for. It may be the feeling of security that we craved, and hopefully received, in our childhood. It may be
a physical attraction, or it may be an emotional attraction. It may be a combination of both. Whatever it is, it originates within our own body. Since this love is coming from within our own body, it is something we already possess within us. The problem we encounter, then, is not whether we will find love, but whether we will find the right stimulus or person with whom to share our love. This is the real issue. When this feeling of shared love is reciprocated, we have then achieved true love. Self-centered people who only want to be loved, and do not want to love in return, are ultimately denying themselves of the joy, happiness, and fulfillment that reciprocated love can provide.
There are certain basic needs that we share as human beings. We all need air to breathe, water to drink, food to eat. We also need love. We need to find the right person to share our love with and to help us achieve our full potential as warm, caring, and loving human beings. We need a partner with whom we can share our love so that we feel complete and whole. This is the other half that Plato may have been referring to, but did not fully explain in Symposium. Love is, therefore, the result of both a need and an attraction.
It is true, to an extent, that opposites attract; however, I believe certain conditions must exist for this attraction to occur in the first place. Similar backgrounds, interests, or similar outlooks on life help people to meet. The initial attraction, which people go through when falling in love, is often the result of what Plato refers to as earthly love, which is the desire of the body rather than of the soul (Symposium 226). While this may be pleasurable at first, it is not long-lasting, and tends to wane after the initial attraction subsides. This can be compared to a fire in a fireplace. A good fire requires a supply of wood, such as logs, and these logs need smaller pieces of wood, known as kindling, to heat the logs sufficiently so they can burn on their own. This kindling ignites readily and burns very hot, but, unfortunately, burns so quickly that the heat it produces is short-lived, much like the attraction of earthly love. This will not lead to a long-lasting fire or a long- lasting relationship. If, however, we are less concerned with earthly love and more concerned with the virtue of our partner, we have achieved what Plato refers to as heavenly love (228). Using the fireplace analogy, heavenly love can be compared to the fire that occurs when the heavier logs ignite. If we not only have a sufficient quantity of kindling, but also truly care for our partner, it will produce enough heat over a period of time to ignite the heavier logs. The heat of the fire can be compared to the passion from being in love. In this state or condition, and under the right nurturing circumstances (such as warmth, caring, affection, integrity, and open, honest communication between both persons) the heat from being in love can ignite the logs of true love, which will burn for a very long time and provide a constant source of heat, warmth, and beauty. This is heavenly love, and it lasts longer than earthly love.
This is what most people search for: a steady and constant source of mutual nurturing that we feel even when we are apart; this is the warmth we feel from each other. Plato’s Symposium gives us insight and perspective into what love is. Love is strong: it energizes, vitalizes, and motivates us to reach our pinnacle. Love is the high point in our life. It is quite natural for us to want to prolong the incredible feeling it gives us, for we are only then truly at our best. Love is the desire for satisfaction and all that is good (Symposium 246). This, to me, is the ultimate goal in life: to achieve true love. Then, and only then, are we free; our desires can come to fruition and we are at our creative best. New ideas are conceived, and this inspiration can take a variety of forms from going back to school, building bridges and skyscrapers, to creating works of art, or starting a new life by having children. And all is good.
Works Cited
Plato. Symposium. In The Great Books Reading & Discussion Program, Fourth
Series. Chicago: The Great Books Foundation, 1985.